In a move reminiscent of last spring’s release of Ryan Franklin and Miguel Batista, John Mozeliak today hacked off the gangrenous limb known as J.C. Romero. Although Cardinal fans assumed Mozeliak made the move based on the fact that Romero failed to retire any hitter he faced, the truth is that Mozeliak released Romero because Romero’s eyebrows were causing a grotesque distraction in the clubhouse.

Romero’s hasty exit makes room for the return of Eduardo Sanchez, the miniature strikeout machine with a ballsack made of pure titanium. Sanchez disarms the opposition as he climbs into the mound with his big ears jutting out from under his low-riding cap. He looks like a cute little boy. That is, until he unleashes a searing, 97 mph fastball somewhere around the crotch. He’s not so cute, then.

I’ve had several Cardinal man-crushes over the years, but they usually involve great players with years of fantastic feats to their credit. However, I’m crushing on Sanchez based merely on his potential. The kid has one of the liveliest arms in the system, and a take-no-prisoners attitude. One of my favorite memories of last year was seeing an April crowd at Busch Stadium electrified as Sanchez struck two to preserve a 3-0 win against Cincinnati. He held everyone spellbound.

Sanchez gets the call-up despite having some troubled numbers at Memphis this year. He has a 6.08 ERA with 10 walks and 13 strikeouts. However, Sanchezinator hasn’t allowed a run in his last five appearances, and his crazy right arm hasn’t seen action since last Friday.

He’s rested, rehabilitated, and ready to be set loose on the National League once more! Go get ‘em, Eduardo!