The Cardinals pounced all over perennial idiot Carlos Zambrano in the first, and Kyle Lohse made it work with more than seven innings of two-run baseball as St. Louis reached forty wins (40-35) by defeating Miami 5-2.

Z FOR ZERO: Oh how I dearly loved to see the Cardinals lacerate Zambrano in the first inning! The guy is one of the worst personalities in the game (his manager is another, see below) and he deserves to be whipped like an unresponsive donkey every five days. The Cards racked up five fast runs on Zambrano in the first, highlighted by Yadier Molina‘s three run homer (already his TWELFTH of the year … yeah, he’s not nearly as good as Buster Posey!). I LOVE IT. Perhaps Zambrano should become a designated hitter somewhere and give up pitching altogether, because he sucks!

MAKING IT STICK: The Cardinals didn’t need more runs after the first because Kyle Lohse had a solid and very satisfactory outing. Lohse gave up just two runs in 7.1 innings while striking out two. Nothing spectacular, but solid and sorely needed after the histrionics of the previous night.

SLICK: If his statistics are taken as a whole, Rafael Furcal rates as a just-above average defender. He has a fielding percentage of .974 (league average .970). However, Furcal’s cat-like reflexes and powerful arm occasionally combine to create a very special play. That happened once again in the sixth. Logan Morrison ripped a ball up the middle. As Furcal went in to make the play, the ball took a bad bounce and popped up over his head. Adjusting with incredible reflexes, Furcal snagged the ball while spinning around, then stepped on the bag before completing a magnificent double play at first. Even when he’s struggling at the plate, Furcal inspires in the field.

DOUCHE: I despise Ozzie Guillen. He couldn’t disgust me any more if he molested children. He’s a pig, a hothead, a liar, and he has the baseball talent of an unused jockstrap. When he charged out to scream at the umpires in the eighth inning because of balls and strikes, it wasn’t particularly surprising (it happens more often than Tyler Greene grimaces) but it was disappointing. Guillen soils the game with his irritating, combative, and asinine presence, and disrespecting umpires because he’s losing just isn’t acceptable. He should receive an automatic ejection at the start of every game so that true baseball fans can be spared his nonsense.

SWEET RELIEF: After the bullpen debacle last night, it would be understandable if fans were hiding under their coffee tables when Matheny brought Mitchell Boggs (then Jason Motte in the ninth) to finish off Lohse’s gem. It’s called post-traumatic stress syndrome. But Boggs wriggled out of a jam in the eighth, and Motte followed with a perfect ninth. It was like a miracle. Or maybe more like a mirage.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: I think Lohse, given the fact that he had to hold the Marlins when the Cards’ offense went to sleep.

CONCLUSION: Just a solid, mostly-uneventful win for a team that is really starting to find its footing.