The most devastating loss of the season. Not only did the Cardinals lose their All Star catcher and hero Yadier Molina in a bone-crunching upper-body collision, but they also failed to show up before or after the game, allowing the Pirates to walk all over them in a crushing 9-0 loss that imperils the Cardinals both in the standings and in their hearts.

DIRTY BASEBALL: The crux of this game occurred in the second inning and the Pirates leading 1-0. With Josh Harrison on second base and two outs, Jose Tabata laced a single to right field. Carlos Beltran came up throwing as Harrison rounded third, and unleashed a strike to Yadier Molina at home plate. With Molina’s eyes on the incoming baseball, Harrison assumed a football attack pose and slammed his shoulder directly into Molina’s head. The brutal and disgusting hit completely incapacitated Molina, who is tougher than Chuck Norris’ titanium-reinforced balls. This formed the centerpiece of the Cardinals’ worst performance of the 2012 season. See below …

WESTBROKE: Hey, remember when Jake Westbrook was pitching the season of his career? Yeah, up until two games ago (and a shiny new extension), Westbrook was one of the biggest surprises of this season. But when the Cardinals really needed Westy, he decided to shit the bed. From pitch #1, Westbrook’s sinker wasn’t sinking and the Pirates were all over him. Even worse, Westbrook had no answer after his batterymate went down in a horrific collision. Five innings, eleven hits, four walks, and seven runs is NOT an answer for the offensive attack on Molina. If you can’t dig deep and go after the Pirates following a nasty hit like that, then SIT DOWN.

BITCH HITS: Mike Matheny didn’t order a TLR-styled retaliation on Harrison in his next at-bat in the fourth, instead allowing Westbrook to pitch gingerly to the guy who brutally hurt Yadi. Matheny ordered it in the fifth, after Westbrook had basically lost the game and was ready to come out. So Westbrook plunks Harrison in the thigh with a 90-mph “fastball” that probably didn’t even raise Harrison’s blood pressure. The umps warned the benches, causing Clint Hurdle to storm out of the dugout while nearly choking on his ten-pound wad of gum. The Cardinal bench let Hurdle and the Pirates have it, especially Chris Carpenter (is there anyone or anything that Carpenter will not fight?). It was all really bland and boring, nothing at all what they deserved for what Harrison may have done to Yadi. Which leads me to this …

GROW SOME BALLS MATHENY: What the FUCK was Matheny doing during this entire argument at home plate??? Apparently staring into the sky, praying to his imaginary friend to help him endure the emotional turmoil of the sinners around him. WAKE THE FUCK UP! There are moments when a manager needs to be a MAN first and stick up for his players! Sometimes a MANager needs to get thrown out in order to make a statement to his team that he DETESTS that kind of bush-league play!!! It’s not Carpenter’s job to defend Yadi – he’s not even officially on the roster!!! I totally respect Matheny’s misguided religious opinion to turn the other cheek (okay, I really don’t), but there are times when MEN need to STAND UP FOR THEIR FRIENDS. Revolting.

WAKE UP MATHENY: I barely understand why Matheny left Westbrook in the game until the fifth despite having the same ”stuff” as a one-legged prostitute shooting baseballs out of her ass in a carnival. Basically, Matheny was leaving Westbrook in to hit Harrison. However, even after the ”retaliation,” Matheny had nobody ready out of the bullpen! WHAT GAME ARE YOU WATCHING, MIKE??? HAVE A PLAN!!

NO ANSWER: When the opposition does something like that to one of your players, especially the most important one, the team MUST respond. However, the Cardinals instead pulled down their pants and took it like a bunch of bitches. FIVE HITS?? ONE WALK? TWO DOUBLE PLAYS?? NO RUNS?? Wow … what a display! Way to go up there and get revenge on the field! AT THE VERY LEAST the Cardinals needed to not look like they were going to start crying at the plate! There needs to be an answer for that kind of gutless play, and the Cardinals didn’t have one. DISGUSTING.

SWINGING DICKSON: The one bright spot – a lone, barely-visible light – was the emergency performance of Brandon Dickson out of the bullpen. With the game out of reach, Dickson came into the game and actually pitched like he still believed that somebody had to be a man on the field. Dickson held back the charging Pirates’ lineup for three innings, striking out four and allowing just one run. Encouraging!

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Dickson, period.

GOAT OF THE GAME: Mike Matheny.

CONCLUSION: An absolute embarrassment, an effort unworthy of a team supposedly contending for the playoffs. Remember Yadier Molina’s reaction when Brandon Phillips called his teammates “bitches?” THAT should’ve been the reaction of this limp, uninspired team when Yadi suffered that brutal hit. Instead, they curled up in the fetal position and let the Pirates stomp merrily over them. A disgusting, season-turning night. AWFUL!